Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Famous in a Small Town

Call me nostalgic, but I like to think that the serenity of small town life still exists in today’s globalized society. Towns like Mayberry, USA are what built the foundation of America. I don’t know if every town had their own Barney Fife or not, but it was much nicer when our local officials knew its city’s residents on a personal basis. Everyone even spoke to each other by name in passing. Each town had their own local hardware store and a restaurant where residents gathered to gossip, drink coffee, and fill their lungs with cigarette smoke.

Even though I like to think that these towns still exist, I have come to the realization that this idea is more fantasy than reality. On our recent trip to Eureka Springs, we decided to take the scenic route, which added about an hour and a half to our travel time. Although the Ozarks are beautiful in the Fall as Autumn decorated the leaves in an assortment of different colors, the remaining scenery consisted of dilapidated houses with yards full of garbage and broken down automobiles that had been in the yards so long that the trees growing through them had already bore fruit.

The scene continued for the next 75-100 miles until we made it to Eureka Springs. I wondered silently what the residents of these towns do for a living. The most obvious answer was manufacturing methamphetamine. Industry and agriculture had long since left these towns leaving its residents in poverty with few options unless they relocated. Eureka Springs is the exception because it celebrates its history and has been able to capitalize on tourism.

As I read the brochures about Eureka Springs and its neighboring cities while I ate my parfait at our bed and breakfast, I was amazed to learn of the bountiful population that once existed in the areas many decades ago. At one point, Eureka Springs boasted a population of nearly 20,000 inhabitants. Now, only about 2,000 people live in the city.

However, this is only one reminder of how globalization has decimated the small towns that we love so much. In 2005, we moved to Bradford, TN. Bradford has always been known as for its small town vibe, yet it has a history of industry much like most other West TN towns. We quickly settled in to our home and were enamored with the scenic view in our back yard and the friendliness of our neighbors and other Bradford citizens. Things would soon change quickly as a tornado robbed me of the scenic view from my back yard six months later, but that’s another story.

As we settled in, I began to notice the abandoned hardware and motor parts stores that have been replaced by Wal-Mart and Auto Zone in neighboring Milan. I was amazed, however, to find that the town still has one factory still in operation. Half of the building contains windows broken out from vandals, while the other half houses a handful of workers that probably struggle to feed their families on wages paid to them from their employers who sell the product made to other companies for greater profit. Actually, I have no idea what is made there, but it’s a broken-down building in a secluded corner of the city. I was amazed to learn that it was even in operation. I do not know how much the few employees are paid there, but it could be a sweatshop for all I know. The point is that opportunities are few and far between. Once a pillar of West Tennessee, the city’s number 1 exported product is now methamphetamine.

The decay does not stop at Bradford. If you travel north to towns like Greenfied, Martin, and Union City, you will see more of the same. All of these towns were once industrial towns. People simply went to work, came home, went to the local café to gossip, drink coffee, and smoke cigarettes, and actually shopped at small businesses within their community.

If you travel south, you will enter Milan, which is not much different. Milanites, as Bob Parkins used to call citizens of Milan, would probably take exception to that statement. Milan prides itself on its football team, its school system, industry, and its local businesses. The truth is that Milan has been decaying for the last 5-10 years. Like every other small town, it has lost a majority of its industry. Milan once housed several small businesses including the legendary Bob’s Grill and Pappy’s. Bob’s Grill was the quintessential small town restaurant where people could gossip, drink coffee, and fill their lungs with smoke.

Today, Milan has essentially disappeared into the depths of Medina’s expanding reach. Where small businesses once existed within the heart of the city, new businesses have moved south near the new Wal-Mart Super Center. Inside the town of Milan, the Bulldogs still play within the shell of the town. When the games are over and the lights go out, Milan is just another town rapidly expanding its industry of methamphetamine as the city decays around it.

A sign of the harsh reality is the fact that the mayor of Milan is pushing for Sunday sales of alcoholic beverages. This is the final nail in the coffin of the morals and values that helped build the town. One thing that I forgot to mention about small town life is Sunday fellowship and the abundance of churches one has to choose from. In reality, the town desperately needs the money from taxes on sales of alcohol. I guess that’s one way to bring prosperity back, sell the meth manufacturers beer so they can make even worse decisions in their dealings. I guess if a meth dealer murdered a client during a deal gone bad, he could always blame Chris Crider, mayor of Milan. He might not have been as hostile and shot the client if he hadn’t drank the Michelob, which had been illegal to purchase on Sunday previously.

I still hope that small town culture and values exist somewhere in America. Globalization and expansion of companies like Wal-Mart has severely altered life as we know it. Although many of us can adapt, others do not realize that the Industrial Age has passed. I remember working in a plant that was to close soon. As I looked to the future optimistically, I remember seeing many scared faces that didn’t know what to do. Is it really any wonder that methamphetamine manufacturing is growing at an alarming rate? Some people simply don’t know what else to do as opportunities in their surroundings are few.

Yes, I do believe that everyone is responsible for themselves and there are numerous opportunities available if one only looks and realizes their own potential, but what about the towns that are decaying from within? Shouldn’t we invest somehow back into these towns? Instead, we are counting on businesses outside of these cities, while the inner city decays (see Milan). Isn’t there another answer besides taxes from alcohol sales? How much are we really paying with ideas like that? Let’s see: A guy misses his appointment at the unemployment office Monday morning because he had a hangover from the case of beer he bought the night before. Instead of him possibly gaining employment, we as tax payers will continue to compensate him. Did I mention that the guy spent his entire unemployment check on the case of beer? Now, we’ll pay for his EBT card with our taxes so he can buy some groceries for his children. Good idea, Mr. Crider.

I digress. It’s ironic that like Billy Crystal in City Slickers, a person has to take a vacation to experience what was once everyday life for most people. Nevertheless, I will continue to believe that small town culture still exists somewhere, even it is only on TV Land in shows like Leave it to Beaver, Ozzie and Harriett, or even the Munsters.


Famous in a small town? We desperately have to do a better job educating youth and instilling the values that America was built on. Click here

Tuesday, May 26, 2009

If you smell what Barack is cookin'

I was torn this past election. My instincts told me to vote Republican. Like most, I considered myself a Democrat until I grew older and wiser. It didn’t help that the Democratic Party has moved so far to the left that they are in danger of falling off the face of the Earth.

Their last candidate, John Kerry, was a laughingstock. I’ll never forget his Lurch-like mumbling, “I have a plan.” He never gave any details whatsoever of any plan, just that “he had a plan.” His only plan was pointing out that Dick Cheney’s daughter was gay and attempting to make President Bush look stupid in debates. Making President Bush look stupid was not a hard task in any circumstance. Bush did, however, shine in the 2nd and 3rd debates. No matter how dumb he tried to make Bush look, Kerry could never overcome the fact that when he asked why he voted for the war, he replied that “he voted for the war before he was against it.” Huh?

Then there’s the ACLU. The ACLU is the heart of the liberal movement. They’re the ones that want to take the Ten Commandments and God out of your lives. The ACLU’s attempts to remove God from our lives date back to the Scopes Monkey Trial in which they convinced a substitute teacher to teach Darwinism in a Tennessee school. At the time, teaching evolution was a crime. This set the stage for the endless debate of creation vs. evolution. Liberals and supporters of evolution will call you stupid and make fun of your beliefs if you believe in God and creation. I don’t care what anyone says, “I didn’t come from no ape.” I don’t support that whole Big Bang Theory or the claim that dinosaurs once ruled the Earth either.

Nevertheless, liberals and the ACLU represent the opposite of traditional values that this country was founded on. Take the recent Miss California USA debacle. Miss California merely stated her beliefs on what marriage should be. She was ripped to shreds for her beliefs. While I understand the plight of the gay community, I don’t understand why someone should be condemned for disagreeing with their stance. Since when is the norm of marriage not a man and woman? It’s almost as if the ACLU is forcing their views upon you. Next, we’ll be burning books.

I guess what I’m trying to say is that I believe in traditional morals and values. Although I wanted to vote Republican, I honestly feel that a John McCain administration would have been more of the same administration that we had for 8 years. The ACLU and liberal views in general have been compared to Socialism. Another Republican administration would have been a move toward Socialism as well. We must have change in our government to minimize government control.

Looking back, I’m glad I didn’t vote Republican. The whole Sarah Palin sideshow was nothing more than a desperate attempt by McCain to gain female voters that Obama might have lost with his tough primary battle with Hillary Clinton. I must admit, however, I was enamored with her after her speech at the Republic National Convention. She delivered a fantastic speech. Subsequent interviews with her, however, revealed that she only "delivered" a good speech. She definitely didn’t have a clue to what she was saying. The Katie Couric interviews are painful to watch. I commend whoever wrote her RNC speech, but someone should have prepped her for the subsequent interviews and press dealings.

Further proof that the Palin sideshow was a fabrication is her recent family issues. How lovely they all looked on stage at the RNC. It was heartwarming to know that young Bristol and her boyfriend would be “doing the right thing” when the baby is born. It is also such a coincidence how quick the boyfriend left and made the talk show circuit after the election was over. My guess is that they had been split up for a long time only to see themselves forced together on a national stage to save face when the announcement that Bristol was pregnant was made.

I gotta be honest. I got tired of the whole “hot for teacher” look anyway. In the Van Halen video, the teacher takes her glasses off and lets her hair down. Had Palin threw the glasses down, threw the bobby pins to the crowd, and threw her hair back like Tawny Kitaen in the Whitesnake video, Here I go Again, McCain might have stood a chance. Instead, she just looked like, well, a librarian.

I was not that confident of Obama, though. For one, he reminds me too much of Nicolae Carpathia, the Anti-Christ in the Left Behind books. Like Nicolae, he rose from nowhere with rock star-like status very quickly with promises of peace. For those of you that have not read the books (the movies don’t do them justice), the comparisons are downright eerie. There were even some people that proclaimed Obama as the savior.

Despite my doubts, Obama has made some good decisions. For starters, he has surrounded himself with good and smart people. He has a very impressive cabinet. Good leaders always surround themselves with good people.

He also made a wise choice in not releasing supposed torture pictures. Why would we want to release those pictures? Are we as a society naïve enough to believe that this is something new? There are no rules in war. Never has been. The only difference between now and earlier wars is that now we have instant communications, liberals and the ACLU with a conscience. The only people that should have went to prison for the Abu Ghraib pictures are the people that leaked them to the public. I would have settled for not knowing. Like Johnny Lang used to sing, “Lie to me, tell me everything is all right.”

I questioned Oprah and Beyonce crying at the inauguration. While I don’t discount the significance the election had to African-Americans, I think Obama’s election has a much larger significance. In America’s early years, it was known as the Melting Pot. It was the place where different ethnicities would come to live harmoniously. E Pluribus Unum. Out of many peoples, races, religions and ancestries has emerged a single people and nation. That was the concept anyway. Unfortunately, racial discrimination in multiple forms has never let this happen completely. Barack Obama, however, is the epitome of the melting pot. Born from an African-American father and a Caucasian mother, schooled in Indonesia and Hawaii, Obama is the first “real American” to ever hold the presidency.

Some economists have stated that the U.S.is slowly becoming a third world country. I beg to differ. Things have changed, no doubt. We must, however, be willing to change as well. America has and always will be the land of opportunity. Obama, once again, is the epitome of opportunity in America. Who would have thought that he as a youngster would become the president of the most powerful country in the world? The same opportunity exists for everyone. I tend to see things like water in a pond or stream. If it’s not moving, the water becomes stale and stagnant. It must move to remain fresh. The same thing applies to our minds. We must enrich our minds or else we become stagnant.

Obama is not the savior. He is a very charismatic person who had an incredible political machine running his campaign. Charisma is what we need in a leader. Like Johnny Lang said, “lie to me, tell me everything is all right.” If people believe everything is going to get better, it will. As long as doom and gloom is spread across the media, consumers will not spend money and the economy will never get better.

Obama is a breath of fresh air in an environment that was becoming stagnant. I think he’ll do all right.


Thursday, April 23, 2009

Bein' Daddy

I’ve always attempted to make birthdays and Christmas as spectacular for my kids as I possibly can. I listen to others tell me how they set a limit on what they will spend on their kid’s Christmas as I think to myself that I should be more fiscally responsible as well. Even though I could probably teach a class telling you how to use your money wisely, I’d still be broke. Making them happy is the greatest gift that I can receive.

I bought my youngest daughter, Serina, a Yorkie for Christmas this past year. We bought the pup a few weeks before Thanksgiving because she had been begging for it. I explained to her that if she got the dog now, she probably wouldn’t have anything under the tree at Christmas. I must admit, I really liked that puppy. Imagine how angry I was about a month later when I received a call at work informing me that he had been run over.

Serina did not complain as I continued to let her believe that she would not have anything under the tree although the dog had died. When she returned home from her Mom’s house on Christmas Eve, I let her open “a family gift”. She was puzzled when she discovered that there was nothing in the box she had just opened. Shortly thereafter, I entered the living room with a six week old Yorkie puppy, Alex. The look of surprise on her face and subsequent tears of joy created memories for a lifetime. Of course, she did receive more presents the next day as well. Needless to say, we are much more careful with Alex. Between the two pups, I spent over $1,000 counting vaccinations.

I wanted to do something special this year for my oldest daughter, Brittany, on her birthday. I decided to make a slideshow chronicling her adolescence. After finishing it up, I cannot watch it without my eyes watering. I will only admit this in my blogs that no one reads, of course. With three women in the house, I have to maintain my strong masculine image.

The day Brittany was born was one of the greatest days of my life. For some reason, I always knew that I would have a little girl. Now I have three, but that’s beside the point. I spent all of my available time with my daughters as they were infants and toddlers. I could hear their mother tell them not to wake daddy up as she got home from work because I had worked third shift and needed to sleep. There was no stopping them. They would rush into my bedroom and shout “Daddy!” In reality, I was already awake waiting for them to run in there. I turned down several promotions and job offers because I would have to work second shift. There was no way that I was going to miss spending any time with my kids.

I’ll never forget the first time I dropped Brittany off at her Kindergarten class. She absolutely would not leave my side. To reassure her that I would always be there, I gave her my license so she would have a picture of me to look at any time she wanted. This calmed her down and she went to class cheerfully. That’s love there. She’s probably the only person that’s looked at my driver’s license photo without laughing or making a funny face.

As she grew up, I tried to instill in her the values and morals that will help her become the best person that she could possibly be. In a sense, I’ve made her like me without the imperfections. She has done well for herself and is on the road to success in every way.

I must admit that I am not one to let go. She has made the Dean’s list at UT Martin several times. She plans on attending pharmacy school after Martin which will require another two years of academia. Of course I am proud of her and push for her continued excellence, but I must admit that I have an ulterior motive. That’s another two years that she will be living at home.

Anyway, I plan on showing the video at her birthday party this summer. She has already given me a list of items she wants for her birthday. An LCD TV, another North Face jacket, a North Face backpack, Sperrys, money, and a speed flash for her camera are just a few items she has listed. She will not get all of those items. Daddy hasn’t won the lottery or passed the Bar exam. However, I will probably continue to spend money like MC Hammer to ensure that she has what she needs and most of what she wants. Being Daddy; that, my friends, is my calling.

Not another shameless self promotion

Every since we had to write stories to go along with pictures in my 5th grade reading class, I’ve enjoyed writing. Actually, my passion for creative writing probably began when I read my first book, Curious George Goes to the Hospital. My enjoyment for writing continued as I would write book reports for Mrs. Wagner’s sixth grade class as well as Mrs. Maness’s eighth grade class. Somewhere along the way, though, I lost focus and my passion for writing.

With the growth of the internet in the mid-90s, I began writing a column for a wrestling news site that I created. The premise was pretty simple. I stole news from other sites and added my own spin on them. After about a year, I grew tired of it and abandoned it. I was amazed at how many e-mails I received from people in different parts of the world asking me not to discontinue the site. I briefly developed a rogue news site, The Extreme Newsletter, to appeal to legitimate news seekers. To gain readership, I printed several hundred copies and placed them in a local newspaper’s dispensing machine. When readers of the newspaper opened their local paper, they had a free copy of The Extreme Newsletter. I don’t think the editor liked it much as a notice was posted inside the next week’s edition that this kind of conduct was unlawful.

I continued to read mystery novels, stories of interest, historical fiction and nonfiction, etc. (not to mention the occasional Hardy Boys book and other adolescent favorites), but had pretty much abandoned any ideas of writing. That is until I entered the Bethel Success program where all I did was write. After completing the Success program, I rediscovered my passion.

I still did not give writing an actual book much thought until I became totally disgusted with my employment at the time. I had always told my youngest daughter that I could write a book about her antics. After thinking of some of her exploits (as well as mine when I was a youngster), I sat down at my old desktop and began writing.

Using the Beacon Handbook for grammar and punctuation usage (Success students should remember the Beacon Handbook), I wrote, edited, and published Introducing Serina K., Ph.D. and Future Famous Person in 2006. The book did modestly well considering I did absolutely nothing to promote it. It is still available at Amazon, booksamillion.com, and Barnes and Noble’s web site. I will finish my MBA in June 2009. As soon as I am finished, work will begin on the follow-up to Introducing Serina K.

The following is a recent review: “The Hardy Boys. Nancy Drew. Ramona the Pest. Characters like these are missing in today's selection of books for elementary school children. The lack of imaginative literature marketed for children contributes to the growing illiteracy rate. Introducing Serina K., Ph.D. and Future Famous Person is a breath of fresh air. It captures the innocence that most books that are currently aimed at the 9-12 age groups are missing. It simply details the misadventures of a young 3rd grade girl and her friend as they attempt to raise money for a trip to the local carnival. It’s a hilarious romp that will have you laughing the entire way through the book.”





Kickin' it Old School

I have to admit. I love ebay. I still think they owe me compensation for their “it” campaign, but that’s beside the point. ebay is like a worldwide yard sale. I remember being dragged along with my mother every Saturday morning as she went to various yard sales across Milan. I usually sat in the car as she rummaged through people’s used clothing and useless junk. Much like yard sales of yesteryear, ebay is full of other people’s useless junk. Where else can you find someone’s ghost or potato chips shaped like Elvis? The truth is that you really can find pretty much anything on ebay.

To a newcomer, it is very easy to become addicted to ebay and become broke in the process. Part of the fascination is the ability to find items of our youth. I recently viewed a Six Million Dollar Man action figure that was going for around $700. Of course, I was guilty of searching for lost pieces of my childhood when I conducted the search for the action figure, but I never dreamed that it would be worth so much. I’ll never forget when I decided to get rid of my Steve Austin (the Six Million Dollar Man, not the wrestler) doll. I had decided that it was time to grow up and I wearily threw the doll and accessories in the trash. In reality, I was in the 11th grade. I had to at least try to grow up. I quickly replaced it though with a 13” action figure of BA Baracus, the Mr. T character on The A Team. Bionic or not, Steve Austin would have never stood a chance against Mr. T. I pity the fool that would even try.

After finding such items on ebay, it makes me reminisce about “the way things used to be.” After becoming disgusted at my daughters constantly texting during dinner, I informed them that I was going to transform the house “old school.” I’m talking a console TV and the works. It was a happy thought, but one that will never become a fruition. I can’t help it. Sometimes, I just become disgusted with today’s culture.

Take text messaging, for example. What’s the point? My daughters can text a sentence faster than I can speak it. Once, my supervisor had texted me while my wife and I were out to eat. I began replying, but was finally warned by my wife that my food was getting cold after 20 minutes. My daughters told me to use T9. I thought they were talking about a new Terminator movie or something. What the heck is T9? I figure that phone with a keyboard is the only way to go. My oldest daughter recently got a touch screen phone that includes a virtual keyboard. She hates it! She had rather use the T9 method. Go figure.

Anyway, there are aspects of today’s culture that I can’t fathom. Rap music is another example. When I was growing up, rap music was in its infancy. Run DMC, Kurtis Blow, and Whodini made an alternative style of music that quickly became a phenomenon. Today’s rap is not music at all. How many times can you say “Haaay… Hoooo, Haaay….. Hoooo” anyway? What it is is a bunch of wannabe “gangstas” (packaged and gimmicked by recording labels) promoting nonsensical lyrics to sell CDs, clothing, and anything else that they can stick their name to. In reality, the whole East Coast vs West Coast feud that got 2 Pac and Biggie Smalls killed was fabricated by 2 Pac to sell more records. Marshall Mathers is no thug. 8 Mile sucked! Vanilla Ice had more talent than that fake.

On a side note, I once wrote a rap song in the 9th grade. Weird Al was big at the time, so I wrote a parody of Beat It called Chew It. The school was planning on spotlighting some of its talented students during a pseudo-talent show. A friend of mine who had a promising recording career promised that he would sing it in front of the entire school body. I was mad when he finished his set without playing my song. Now that I look back, I understand that he was just being nice when he told me that he’d sing it. “Have some more Copenhagen, have some more Skoal. It doesn’t matter if it’s new or old.” I actually expected him to sing that. Although he never recorded Chew It, my friend went on to a successful career in radio. You might know him better as Radio Rasheed of Kix 96.

Back to the matter at hand, TV is another area that simply promotes a decrepit culture. Whatever happened to Leave it to Beaver or the Brady Bunch? My wife and daughters’ favorite show is the Rock of Love. I was a huge Poison fan back in the day, but seeing Brett Michael’s bloated, plastic face attempting to find love with girls that Larry Flynt wouldn’t even approve of makes me sick. No to mention the hair extensions. Let’s be real here. The guy’s almost 50. He has to wear fake hair to make it look like he’s still a rocker. Pathetic. I can’t even listen to a Poison song anymore. At least C.C. Deville has a little dignity. He freely admits that he is a recovering alcoholic and is trying to begin a new life by moving on. Besides, who can forget that guitar riff at the beginning of “Talk Dirty to Me”. He was probably the real leader. Then again, Brett did make that tape with Pam Anderson. She's not much different than the ditzy, skanky women on Rock of Love, though.

A sign of real change is the difference in video games now and when I grew up. We actually had the old Pong game back in the 70s. From there, I graduated to Atari. Atari will always rule no matter what new technology they discover. You’ll probably be able to walk right into the TV with the next wave of video games (anyone remember Tron?). Truth is, I pretty much retired after the Sega Genesis and Super Nintendo. The newer games required 789 different combinations of 4 buttons to perform one move. I’ll always be a Pac Man and Dig Dug junkie. I still remember the lyrics of the “Pac Man Fever” top 40 song in the early 80s (sad, very sad I know).

I guess as each generation gets older, they always think that the younger generation is out of control. Heck, the elder generation wanted to ban Elvis when he first started. As much as I love Elvis, we might be better off had they been successful. If he hadn’t swiveled them damn hips, we might not be in the shape we are today. Everyone should have some scapegoat. Clinton had El Nino. Everyone knows that Katrina was Bush’s fault. Why not blame Elvis?

The truth is that maybe everything wasn’t that much better when we were kids. Maybe we had such fond memories of childhood because we hadn’t been exposed to the real world yet. Maybe we just mature. I was tremendously disappointed after viewing a Harlem Globetrotters event. My daughters had never heard of them and I wanted them to experience the spectacle that I witnessed as a kid. For some reason, it wasn’t the same. As a kid, I didn’t see the obviously choreographed moves for what they were. I only saw the world famous Globetrotters performing amazing feats.
Of course you will grow older and hopefully mature, but the key is never losing that innocence you had as a child. As Bob Dylan once said, “The Times They Are A-Changin.” As I used to repeat to myself over and over, “I don’t want to grow up, I’m a Toys R Us Kid.”



Urban Wear??

As the father of three daughters, I like to think that I know a thing or two about the latest styles and fashion. It’s not like I have a choice in the matter anyway. As an adult in my late 29s, I also realize the insignificance of “style” and branding. In a conversation with a chum (yes, I said chum) the other day, I noted the ridiculousness of strange designs that covered their jeans. (That’s what guys do, btw. We make fun of each other and totally disrespect each other in no-holds-barred contests of absurdity). My friend proceeded to inform me that his jeans were of the latest style and were known as Urban Wear.

Naturally, the first thing that arose in my mind was the “Urban Sombrero” episode of Seinfeld. Before I could respond, another bystander replied that “I wouldn’t know anything about that, being from Bradford.” Now, I was PO’d. This guy is from Frog Jump or some other surrounding town and he’s talking about Urban Wear. The truth is that he probably saw Puff the Magic Dragon, I mean Puff Daddy, I mean P. Diddy on MTV wearing something similar and decided to waste $75 on the jeans in order to “look cool”. This guy is also in his mid-29s. It’s not cool to be cool when you reach a certain age. Happy Days didn’t go off the air because of bad ratings, but because Fonzie was in his forties and still wearing the leather jacket and white tee shirt in an attempt to be cool. In short, it was becoming pathetic.

As a semi-intelligent adult in my late 29s, I realize that most of these brands are created with the same materials and by the same company as the generic brands. The only difference is the label. Heck, there is a plant and warehouse in Trenton and Rutherford that specializes in this. Kellwood basically has clothing shipped to them from sweatshops overseas and then places different designer labels on them. Certain Nike apparel, clothing carried at JC Penny, and other well known brands are processed through Kellwood. I tried to explain this process to my kids, but they wouldn’t hear of it. I bought them each a North Face jacket for Christmas. Trust me; there is nothing spectacular about these jackets other than the price tag. Nevertheless, the jackets are the latest style.

Anyway, I guess I took the comment about “being from Bradford” too personal. Heck, I was watching MTV when they actually played music. (Now, the station is basically just a marketing tool to promote other products owned by its parent company, Viacom. To be honest, I am sickened by most of their programming.) I wanted to hit the guy over the head when he uttered Urban Wear. The only real urban wear in these parts might be overalls and work boots with mud on them. After about a half of a millisecond, I vetoed that thought realizing that I would get my @## kicked.

Alas, the encounter does bring back fond memories. When I was in my early 29s and after a divorce, I wore an assortment of FUBU shirts, a Nike symbol ear ring, and shaved my eyebrow like Vanilla Ice in an attempt to be cool. I’ll let you guess how that turned out.