Urban Wear??

As the father of three daughters, I like to think that I know a thing or two about the latest styles and fashion. It’s not like I have a choice in the matter anyway. As an adult in my late 29s, I also realize the insignificance of “style” and branding. In a conversation with a chum (yes, I said chum) the other day, I noted the ridiculousness of strange designs that covered their jeans. (That’s what guys do, btw. We make fun of each other and totally disrespect each other in no-holds-barred contests of absurdity). My friend proceeded to inform me that his jeans were of the latest style and were known as Urban Wear.

Naturally, the first thing that arose in my mind was the “Urban Sombrero” episode of Seinfeld. Before I could respond, another bystander replied that “I wouldn’t know anything about that, being from Bradford.” Now, I was PO’d. This guy is from Frog Jump or some other surrounding town and he’s talking about Urban Wear. The truth is that he probably saw Puff the Magic Dragon, I mean Puff Daddy, I mean P. Diddy on MTV wearing something similar and decided to waste $75 on the jeans in order to “look cool”. This guy is also in his mid-29s. It’s not cool to be cool when you reach a certain age. Happy Days didn’t go off the air because of bad ratings, but because Fonzie was in his forties and still wearing the leather jacket and white tee shirt in an attempt to be cool. In short, it was becoming pathetic.

As a semi-intelligent adult in my late 29s, I realize that most of these brands are created with the same materials and by the same company as the generic brands. The only difference is the label. Heck, there is a plant and warehouse in Trenton and Rutherford that specializes in this. Kellwood basically has clothing shipped to them from sweatshops overseas and then places different designer labels on them. Certain Nike apparel, clothing carried at JC Penny, and other well known brands are processed through Kellwood. I tried to explain this process to my kids, but they wouldn’t hear of it. I bought them each a North Face jacket for Christmas. Trust me; there is nothing spectacular about these jackets other than the price tag. Nevertheless, the jackets are the latest style.

Anyway, I guess I took the comment about “being from Bradford” too personal. Heck, I was watching MTV when they actually played music. (Now, the station is basically just a marketing tool to promote other products owned by its parent company, Viacom. To be honest, I am sickened by most of their programming.) I wanted to hit the guy over the head when he uttered Urban Wear. The only real urban wear in these parts might be overalls and work boots with mud on them. After about a half of a millisecond, I vetoed that thought realizing that I would get my @## kicked.

Alas, the encounter does bring back fond memories. When I was in my early 29s and after a divorce, I wore an assortment of FUBU shirts, a Nike symbol ear ring, and shaved my eyebrow like Vanilla Ice in an attempt to be cool. I’ll let you guess how that turned out.